Birth Story of Morgan Sky

I wrote this in great detail because I never want to forget that day, seeing as she will be the only child I will ever have!

Where to start? When labor started is not exactly clear because I had been having pre/false labor for weeks before the real thing started. So when I was in labor for real I didn't know until it got really strong. Those contractions were nothing compared to what was to come but did prepare my body and mind. I practiced my breathing, visualization and relaxation techniques with the Solitudes music my boyfriend, Mike, gave me.

On February 3, contractions were coming pretty regularly, so I decided to take my brother's dog for a long walk at the golf course to try and get things going. I had to actually stop every 10 minutes or so and breathe through the pains. Squatting down felt really good on my sore, aching body. Like I told Mike, it hurt so good! The snow was really deep and took lots of effort to walk through.

I was up all night with the pain until 8 a.m., but that was nothing new so I still thought it wasn't real. When I finally managed to fall asleep, the pains kept waking me up, and I even dreamt I was in labor! When I woke up in the afternoon, the pain hit me immediately and kept coming every 10 minutes. I still wasn't sure if it was real but decided another long walk wouldn't hurt.

So I called my sister, Angie, and asked her to go to the river with me. She was so funny. She wanted me to take a blanket in case my water broke and Baby wanted to be born right away! I laughed and said the pains had been coming for weeks and Iikely meant I'd have a long labor.

The car ride hurt and made the pain worse. On our walk, I walked as slow as a snail and kept stopping and breathing through the pains still every 10 minutes. At one point, Angie was joking. I was laughing so hard I felt a small, slimy gush, which I thought could be my water. But it turned out to be my mucous plug.

When I got home things really picked up. I phoned my midwife, Mary Jo. I said I was just calling to warn her that I lost my plug and thought I might be in labor. She told me to have a hot shower, take some Tylenol and try to get some sleep to rule out pre labor. I took her advice, but it didn't do anything to slow down the pains. And I certainly couldn't sleep!

During this time my brother, Justin, called and told me that since Mike was scheduled to be going out of town the following day for a three-day work trip that he insisted I go stay at his house where his in-laws and wife could be with me in case labor started. I joked and told him I would if I made it to then!

By around 4 a.m. I knew without a doubt that I was in labor. The contractions were increasing in time and intensity. So I called Mary Jo and told her we were heading to the hospital. She asked me if I wanted her to come over and check me. I answered that I didn't think I'd make it because the contractions were coming every three or four minutes.

I scrambled around trying to pack last-minute things in my bag while Mike panicked! It was so hard to think by this point. I was just trying to breathe through each contraction while I leaned over something every time they hit. They felt like a combination of severe gas and menstrual cramps.

While Mike parked the car I crept into emergency and tried to tell the nurse I was in labor as a whopper of a contraction hit! They were expecting me because Mary Jo was already in maternity thankfully! I had another strong one right before I walked by the nurses station toward the delivery room. The nurses joked that I was still smiling so it couldn't be that bad! I was excited to meet my baby at that point!

We got settled in then. I changed into a gown and put on some Simon & Garfunkel (the only tape I owned for the tape player). Mary Jo went about setting up the rocking chair, bed, birth ball, yoga mat and put some lavender-soaked tissues around.

She asked me if I wanted her to check me. I was curious, so she did. I was 5 centimeters dilated and the baby was turned sideways, almost posterior. She said I was very thinned, and my cervix was very soft and stretchy. (All the evening primrose oil I took must have helped.)

She eventually put in my IV for Group B Strep. I tried to breathe and relax through each contraction the best I could, which got to be very challenging. Mary Jo and Mike both helped me to stay focused. They also made sure I kept hydrated with Gatorade and water, rubbed my back and feet and put cool washcloths on my forehead.

I had to lean forward because of the pressure in my lower back. I swayed, hoping it would turn the baby. I walked around, rocked on the toilet a lot. My plug kept coming out more and more. The pressure on my bladder and bowels kept getting worse and I constantly felt like I had to pee and did, emptying my bowel until I thought there was nothing left.

I soon wanted to go in the shower (there was no bath), craving hot water on my aching belly. The shower felt so good. At that time Mary Jo had gone to her office to get more music and maybe because I felt uninhibited, I began moaning low, which really helped me get through. I must have stayed in the shower for hours, only getting out because I was feeling nauseous from the heat.

The hours flew by in a haze. I used every ounce of strength and energy physically and emotionally to get through each contraction, moaning low the whole time. I almost lost it a few times, starting to panic, scream and cry. But each time Mary Jo helped to ground me, reassuring me how strong I was, how good I was doing and reminding me that my baby was almost here. She and Mike really helped me stay strong and focused.

I heard her offer me gas at one point but didn't answer. I couldn't think, let alone speak, and was determined to have a drug-free labor.

I went in the shower again for a few hours, rocked on the toilet and labored on all fours leaning over the birth ball while holding onto the yoga mat handles, groaning, grunting, swearing and praying very loudly. It was a good thing it was daytime by then because I think I would have woken the entire hospital!

The pain was getting so intense my head would weave side to side like it was going to spin off. I don't know how I made it through that pain. The pressure was so unbelievable. It felt like I would split in two!

Mary Jo checked me again, and I was 9 centimeters. I agreed to have her break my water to get things going faster. Around then I remember throwing up violently all the liquid I had drunk and feeling like I was going to die. Mary Jo told me to try and push, but I couldn't and didn't feel the urge.

Though I swore I would never forget that pain, I have trouble remembering and trying to describe it. It was the most intense, excruciating, bone-grinding, mind-numbing pain I could ever imagine. There are no words to truly describe it!

At some point Angie came in on her lunch break and was shocked to see the state I was in. Poor girl. She now says she will adopt! I was squatting down being held up between Mike's legs trying to push but just couldn't.

I threw up again sometime later, and I remember shaking violently and feeling so weak I thought I would collapse. Mary Jo left for a break, and I asked the fill-in nurse for some gas. I couldn't breathe it in though because I felt suffocated. When Mary Jo came back she told me I could have the gas without the mask over my face. I could breathe it through a tube.

Around then she checked me again and found I was still 9 centimeters (after about four hours). The baby's head was getting a build-up indicating stress, and she noticed bruising on my lower stomach (from the force of her being pushed down). The baby's heartbeat was still OK, though, which she checked almost after every contraction by the end.

I had also started bleeding at this time. So she told me she was getting the OB to come check me. She didn't know what was wrong.

At this point I was breathing in the gas with every contraction and panicking while she moved me into the bed and hooked me up to the monitors. I remember yelling at this time impatiently, Where's the f***ing doctor? and I'm dying. I don't recall the gas doing much of anything but making me feel spaced-out and giving me something to do to get through the contractions.

As the doctor was checking me I was having violent contractions. They were coming every two to three minutes, lasting over two minutes and were going off the graph on the page! (All that raspberry leaf tea I drank worked too well I think)!

I overheard the doctor saying something about a uterine rupture. Then he was telling me they had to do an emergency Cesarean section. I pleaded with him to hurry. I thought for sure I was dying and could feel the blood now pouring down my legs. I have never been so scared in my life.

As people surrounded me, poking and prodding me, I kept breathing in gas frantically. I got wheeled into surgery and held onto the nurses while they put in the epidural during one mother of a contraction. They yelled at me not to move, but I couldn't help it.

Then they struggled to get me on my back and then, ah, SWEET RELIEF as my body went numb and tingly! I couldn't believe the pain was gone! I was completely dazed from the long labor and all the gas and could barely keep my eyes open. I was vaguely aware of Mike and Mary Jo peering at me through their masks, comforting me.

Then the baby was carried over to a table, and Mike was crying saying, It's a girl. I was so happy – the girl we've always wanted!

So on February 5, 2004, at 38 weeks, 6 days, after over two days of labor, Morgan Sky was born at 2:48 p.m. weighing 7 pounds, 1 ounce and 20 1/2 inches long with Apgars of 9 and 9.

After she was cleaned up, they asked me if I wanted to see her on my shoulder, but I said I'd see her after. I was so out of it! My whole body started itching from the epidural, and they gave me some Benadryl. I also threw up the liquid they had given me before the surgery. It's difficult to vomit lying on your back!

Finally after lots of tugging, they were done, and I was wheeled into recovery. It turned out that the placenta had started becoming detached, and the cord was wrapped tightly around her neck.

In recovery, Mike brought me the baby saying she was very hungry. She was opening her mouth like a bird, and she latched on like a pro and started nursing. I was still in a daze and could hardly believe she was real!

Though I'm disappointed I didn't have the drug-free labor and delivery I had hoped for, at least I know I can do it! If it weren't for the complications, I would have delivered unmedicated no problem. As it was, though, I'm just thankful that we're both alive. If it were a hundred years ago, we wouldn't have survived, so I am grateful for that! I'm so happy that I listened to Mike and decided on a hospital delivery as opposed to the home birth I wanted!

After lots of visitors I finally got to be alone with Morgan that night and really bond with her. I never dreamed I would feel such a fierce, animal-protective, walk-through-fire love for my baby!

We are both so madly in love with her, and she is so adorable – definitely a Gerber baby with her little dimples when she smiles. My milk has come in overly abundant, and she re-gained her birth weight at 5 days old! She is healthy, happy and strong, and we are so grateful to God for giving us this perfect, precious gift. She is just an angel!

One proud mama