I was only 17 when I was pregnant with my first child. I had so many problems during the pregnancy such as heart murmur, pre-eclampsia, and edema. I was on bed rest from early contractions and high blood pressure for about the last three months of pregnancy. My water leaked for about a week and the nurse at the hospital said that it was not my water.

The very next week at my doctor's appointment he did a pelvic check and told me that I had to go to the hospital right then and be induced. I was so scared. I was by myself. He told me that I couldn't go home to get anyone, but that I could call from the office and have him meet me there.

I was induced about 12 and my blood pressure was very high, so they only let one visitor in my room at a time. I didn't feel any pain except a few cramps. By 12:30 a.m., I hadn't progressed and they had to take my son by Cesarean Section. I was so scared. I didn't know what to expect. I never would have thought that I would have to go through that. After it was all done, my doctor had me so drugged up on morphine that I couldn't even wiggle my toes for two days. So I missed my son's first feeding, diaper change, pictures, etc. That was my first baby and I just missed everything because I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was devastated and didn't want to go through that again.

Well, I got pregnant with my daughter when my son was 1 1/2 years old. The pregnancy with her was the perfect pregnancy. We decided that we wanted to do the VBAC, vaginal birth after C-section.

I was a week late and he decided to induce me. He warned me that she wasn't dropped down and there was a possibility of another C-section. I had it in my mind that I was going to do the vaginal birth like a normal birth. I was wrong. I started labor at about 4 p.m. on Wednesday. I never felt the pain with my son, so I didn't know what to expect. Boy, was I in for a surprise. The pain was horrible. I tolerated it until about 2 p.m. on Thursday. By that time I still hadn't progressed more than 2 centimeters in dilation and I was in so much pain that we decided to have an epidural.

It relaxed me, but still no progression. The doctor said that if I didn't show any improvement by 10 p.m., that he had to do another C-section. I was convinced that I could get her out on my own. At around 6:30 p.m., the nurse checked and I was only at 3 centimeters. At around 8 p.m., she checked again and I was ready to push. It was amazing. I thought that I was actually going to be able to do this. My hopes were so high.

I started to push and push and push some more. He said he could feel her head. I was so excited. But then I was having some unbearable pain and I didn't know why since I had an epidural. I still kept pushing, and then my doctor saw something that I didn't. My catheter bag was full of blood. He told me to stop pushing and not to push anymore, to just breathe through the contractions until they got me prepped for the C-section, which is impossible, since your body automatically starts pushing for you. So I explained my fears to my doctor, who is heaven-sent I might add. He told me that since I wanted to remember the first few days of my daughter's life that he would just leave the epidural in instead of give me medication. I also told him that I felt very disappointed, like I had failed the motherhood test. It was so devastating to me that my body had failed me. But I am so thankful for the knowledge of my doctor because if I were to have pushed any more than I did, my uterus would have ruptured completely.

There was, however, a tear in my uterus and my bladder, and I had to have scar tissue removed from my old incision, so I was in surgery for about another two hours after I had her. He talked to my husband and explained to him that more children are possible, but I would have to be on a monitored pregnancy and a C-section would be required and that I would have to wait until at least two to three years to let my uterus heal and get stronger.

My daughter is almost 2 years old now. I am not sure if we will have any more children. The thought had come up in quite a few conversations, but I am not sure if I can go through another C-section. Granted that the next one would be easier because I know that I do have to have one and I know what to expect. I tell myself that I can do it again every time that I look at my beautiful children and think, My body brought them here, and I am just thankful that we all made it through. I am very fortunate.