I have just given birth to a little boy at 21 weeks. Unfortunately, he was far too small to survive.

My husband and I were made up when I found out I was pregnant. I have had two previous miscarriages, one at 9 weeks and one at 8 weeks. We didn't tell anyone I was pregnant this time around until I had my first scan at 13 weeks and everything seemed fine, so we told our parents, who were made up for us, and also our friends.

I felt great in myself. We had a second scan at nearly 20 weeks and everything was great. We didn't ask the sex. We were just grateful everything seemed normal. The baby was happily moving and kicking.

The following weekend I started to get a few niggly pains in my stomach and also in my back. I thought nothing of it, just something I had eaten I thought. I had a bit of white discharge but read in the books this was normal for how many weeks I was.

Over the next few hours the pains got stronger, so my husband took me to the infirmary. The midwife checked Baby's heartbeat, and everything was fine. Also my urine sample was fine, so she got a doctor to internally examine me. We were then told the devastating news: The membrane was leaking and labor had started; there was nothing we could do.

We were heartbroken. We had heard our baby's heartbeat and were told we had to deliver a baby with no chance of survival at 21 weeks.

Our baby was born the following morning at 3:24 a.m., a beautiful baby boy. We called him Finlay. He was 12 ounces and 29 centimeters long. We could not understand and still don't why he has been taken away from us when there was nothing wrong with him at all! We sat there with him all morning. The midwives were really great and so nice. They took him away to dress him before letting us stay with him for as long as we wanted.

He was buried a week later. It was the hardest thing any of us have ever had to do.

I now worry about getting pregnant again. I am 35 and so desperately want another baby. I'll never forget Finlay. I have just made a book with all his pictures and things people had so kindly bought for him, teddys, etc.! But I want so much for him to have a brother or sister. Then we can all remember Finlay. I just feel so empty at this moment in time. It was only two weeks ago that it happened, and I can't see myself getting over this sad time. My husband and I are totally devastated about why it keeps happening to us. This is such a cruel world.