I have a similar story that I would love to share with you that I recently went through if you are OK with that because I would love to hear how you are doing now and how you got through it.

On July 31, 2004, we found out I was pregnant with our first child and we were so excited because we were trying for over five years. We had a procedure called IUI (Intrauterine insemination). We had experienced a loss at 10 1/2 weeks a few months earlier and were very excited that we had conceived again so quickly.

I was going back and forth to the doctor to make sure everything was going well and it was. We had all kinds of ultrasounds done and we got all the way to our 18-week ultrasound and everything showed wonderful.

My doctor put me on home rest because my blood pressure was a little up but nothing serious. I was having a nurse to come in every day to check the baby's heartbeat and my pressure. Everything was great.

I was into my 20th week and the nurse called to see how everything was. I told her that my pressure was good but I had a little discharge. She told me to go to the case room just to get things checked, but it didn't sound like anything was wrong and it sounded normal.

I went to the case room and they checked the heartbeat and then I had to wait for the doctor to do an internal to make sure that everything was OK. Well they did the internal and I thought I was going to die when they told us the news: My membrane was dropped to 1.5 centimeters to my vaginal opening and my cervix was dilated to 3 centimeters.

My husband and I were so upset and started crying, asking what we could do. They said that we could put in a ring and it could try to push the membrane up but with my cervix dilated, it didn't seem too reassuring. I was put in to the hospital for bed rest, with my feet raised in the bed almost standing on my head, and the doctor figured we were only going to last 24 to 48 hours.

Well a week went by, still no change, and then it happened. I woke up on Sunday morning and my water had broken. I was into my 21st week. I delivered our beautiful baby boy on November 29, 2004 at 2:40 p.m. He was 14 ounces and 11 inches long. The most beautiful baby I have ever seen. He lived for 45 minutes to an hour. I held on to him and didn't want to let him go.

I had to be rushed to the OR an hour later because I had hemorrhaged and was losing a lot of blood. I almost died that night on the operating table because I couldn't pass the placenta on my own because the baby was so small. Thankfully I am OK now after having a blood transfusion, D&C and recovering in the hospital for two days.

We left the hospital on December 1 with his little pictures and baby blankets and birth card with foot prints. We buried our son on December 3. We named him Peanut because that is what we had called him the whole time I was pregnant because we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl.

I am hoping things are still OK with you and I would love to know how you recovered from your loss. I am still blaming God and I guess it is going to take some time for that. We are going to try again in March 2005. The doctor said that we can try it again and they can put in a stitch to close up my cervix at 13 weeks to avoid this happening again.

Any information you can give me to try to help me through this rough time, I would really appreciate it. I just love the fact that I can find someone out there to talk to who has been through the same situation and could probably help me get through this rough time.

Thank you for listening. Please e-mail me if you would like to share your story or how you had recovered from your loss.