I finally became pregnant at 30 years old. My husband and I were going through a divorce when I came up pregnant. I never thought that I could have children and was really shocked that I was. A part of me was scared that I was pregnant by a man who didn't love me and I was sure he wouldn't care for the baby either.

I was stressed out in the beginning of the pregnancy. I had a lot of throwing up. Then I was diagnosed with diabetes in the 2nd month. I wasn't gaining weight from not digesting food. I lost my job and I had no insurance. My husband wasn't too thrilled of the baby still, but at 5 months I decided that regardless of how the world around me was, I wanted my baby and was ready to do it all alone.

I didn't really feel kicking, so when I went to the doctor for my checkup they called four nurses in to confirm that my baby had died.

I delivered vaginally in eight hours on good Friday of 2009. The depression is unbelievable. I ask God to take me every day because I miss my baby so much. They say it gets better, but it still feels like it was yesterday. I have gotten counseling and tried all things, but it is still so bad.

I have lost my faith in God because I don't understand how can someone give you something, then take it away. My husband was relieved that the baby passed. He felt like I am glad I don't have any ties to you and I have not heard from him since.

No matter what I went through with my baby it was so worth it. His name is Nasir. He was 1 pound, 14 ounces, so beautiful. I feel horrible that I wasted time in the beginning thinking negative. I have to live with that every day of my life.