During my first pregnancy everything seemed idyllic. No spotting, no high blood pressure or other common problems that affect pregnant women. We were told we were expecting a little boy and the whole family was just so thrilled.

Then one day at approximately 35 weeks I noticed that the baby hadn't moved for some while, and I rushed to the hospital only to be told that my baby had died. The feeling of devastation was just indescribable.

Following the Cesarean section that I had, the baby appeared completely normal and the determined cause of death was a clot in the umbilical cord, which basically made the baby suffocate. Needless to say that the previous evening the baby was extremely active – now realizing that perhaps the baby was fighting the reduced oxygen flow.

The next few months were very difficult for me both emotionally and physically. Emotionally I desperately needed to understand what caused the clotting and physically the depression that followed only made me neglect my body and put on weight (as if I did not have enough pounds to lose already).

Medically, we never found out what actually went wrong. We have ruled out several possibilities, the main one being thromobofilia, which is a condition that causes the blood to clot more easily. We also saw a diabetics specialist who told us that the main causes for stillbirths at such advance stages was indeed untreated diabetes. However there was no way we could determine this after the pregnancy.

To cut a long story short, all doctors (and trust me, we saw a lot of them) told us that we should move forward and that during the next pregnancy I would have to be extra careful, monitor my blood and sugar levels regularly and generally treat the pregnancy as high risk.

Eight months following the death of our baby, I was pregnant again! The feelings were mixed: fear, panic, immense joy, hope, anticipation, impatience!

The pregnancy started off on the wrong foot with a detachment in my placenta, which caused spotting for about a month. This confined me to bed (and home later on) for about two to three months, and at the same time I begun taking insulin shots, more as a precaution rather than anything else.

I monitor my sugar levels every day. Plus, I really have taken out of my nutrition sweets, pies, fried stuff and generally I avoid eating few big meals/day rather opting for six small meals. I also check my blood levels for clotting factors and I visit my obstetrician every couple of weeks.

I am now 25 weeks pregnant, expecting a little girl and I am truly excited. I try to remain positive and I even buy her stuff! My mentality is that even if something goes wrong this time, we will try again! However if I don't feel her kick every now and then I become slightly paranoid and visit the hospital for a scan. But I guess that that is normal.

I truly hope everything will be OK this time and statistically speaking the odds are in favor what with all the monitoring. I just don't know how the next few months will go by. Thankfully I have Christmas to look forward to!