My son Nathen Embry Brown was born August 16, 2008, and died the same day. I was 6 1/2 months along in my pregnancy. First, let me explain how this all began.

My husband and I had been trying to have a baby for seven years. I was on a fertility drug called clomid. I found out that I was pregnant after only three months of being on the drug. To say we were overwhelmed would be an understatement. We were overjoyed, elated, bubbling over with excitement – that is, until I started to bleed in my 2nd month.

Now we all know that when you bleed in a pregnancy it is not a good sign, so I started to prepare myself for the worst. We went to the hospital. I was there for about seven hours only to hear the doctor say everything was OK. After we got home I bled for two more days and then stopped. I was like, OK this is just one of those things; everything will be OK.

The pregnancy progressed. I bled again the next month and then again the following month. But once again the doctors told me it was OK and that some women just bleed. So they are the doctors, right, and they know since they have been to school for like the last 20 years, so they must know best. So I just let it go and continued on with the pregnancy.

I felt my baby's first movement on June 3 and was still having morning sickness like crazy. My husband and I thought everything was OK until the worst morning of my life on August 8, 2008. I was asleep and had a real bad coughing spell that woke me up. At that point it was hard for me to lie on my stomach, so I was on my side. And I felt what felt like a bubble come down, so I ran to the bathroom and sat on the toilet, only to have the bubble continue to come until it was sticking out of me. I screamed, waking my husband. He ran to the restroom to see what was going on. I told him what happened and he called 911.

Before the ambulance could get there the operator (who panicked more than we did) told my husband to lay me down and look to see if he could see the baby's head. He told the operator that all he could see was the clear bag of fluid and no baby.

Then all of a sudden the bag broke. Fluid was everywhere. Still, there was no pain, so I was hoping against hope that my baby was OK.

By then the ambulance had just arrived, and at that time they took me to the hospital. They told us that my water bag had ruptured but the baby was still alive and looking to be doing OK, so once again I found myself hoping and praying that everything would be fine.

Afterward I was admitted to the hospital and stayed for a little over a week on bed rest while waiting to see if my bag of waters would heal itself. Then on August 15 the doctor came and said that the baby was not moving around as much as he should be and that we would have to do an emergency Cesarean section.

It was midnight by the time I made it into the surgery room. They did the epidural, laid me back and went to find Nathen's heartbeat. They searched for about 20 minutes, at which time they advised me that he was gone.

That was the hardest time of my life. Not only did I lose my son, but I also had to go through the entire delivery as if at the end I would have a crying bundle of joy when all I had was a deceased son. My body went through all the motions of childbirth. The swollen breast, bleeding and milk.

We had a graveside funeral on 8-20-08.

I have to honestly say this was the worst experience of my life. My doctors can't say why this happened. He said that it was just one of those things that sometimes happens.

I'm 28 now and my plans were to have two babies by 30, but God had other plans. I just want to say to the other parents going through this, sometimes things happen that we don't understand and no words will make you feel better. But if you need an e-mail shoulder to cry on, I'm here as someone that has and still is going through this horrible ordeal. Write me and let's see if we can get through this together. Also, I wrote a poem for my son that I would like to share:

Nathen Embry Brown
8-16-08 to 8-16-08

What do you do when Hello Means Goodbye?
When we never got to see you smile, laugh or cry.
How are you suppose to feel when the one thing that you have longed for prayed for is given to you and then as quickly as night turns to day it's taken away?
So many plans ... so much we wanted to do for our child.
Hearing his first word, arguing because I believed in my heart it would have been Mama and he believed it would have been Dada.
Taking his first step.
Please someone please tell us what are we to do when hello means goodbye.
Some people may say how can they feel so strongly for someone that they have never met.
But what they will never know is every time we heard your little heartbeat so strong and felt your movements it was enough to make us fall in love forever.
So many what ifs and I wish I would have done this or that differently.
You were such a fighter from the very beginning to the very end.
Nathen, we never got to see your smile or hear your cry but you knew just who we were.
Every time you heard your father's voice you would get all excited kicking and moving.
Please know that we will always love you and we will never ever forget you.
So Hello our little angel...
but Goodbye for now.
Rest until we meet again!
Lord please take care of our baby!

Love your Mother & Father,
Wathen & Stephanie Brown

8-21-08