On May 26, 1998, I entered the hospital at 7:00 a.m. They had my bed and room all ready for me. I got into my robe and the nurse hooked me up to the monitor and started me IV of Pitocin drip. I was so scared and I felt so alone. Because the father of my child had left me when I was two months along, I was very grateful to have my mom there with me.

I really didn't feel anything until 11:00 a.m. when the doctor came in and broke my water. I felt tremendous pressure and the contractions grew from there. They came and gave me an epidural when I was only dilated to 3 centimeters because I seemed like I was not progressing. It lasted an hour and I had dilated to a 4 by then. By this time, my doctor had inserted a int ernal monitor because we weren't picking up the baby's heartbeat. I was getting even more scared as time went on -- they were putting oxygen on me and I still wasn't dilating. The pain had grown worse, but I wouldn't let them give me anything because I was scared any more might hurt the baby. By 9:00 p.m., I was in tears and I still hadn't dilated. I felt like a complete wimp.

They wheeled me into the operating room for the C-section with my body completely numb and moved me to the operating table. I was terrified and I felt so helpless. Being 18 years old and having to face this without the participating party was so terrifying, I just can't describe. And the humiliation of lying naked on a table not being able to move with like 10 people looking at you -- well, it wasn't fun.

I felt pressure and I became very sick to my stomach. I could have sworn I turned green. It seemed like forever before I heard my mom say, It's a boy -- and he has hair! He cried and cried. I kept asking my mom, Is he okay? Am I ok? All she could say was, I love you, you're going to be fine. As they were leaving with my baby, I got a glimpse of him -- he had a cone shaped head from the hard contractions and he was all purple and swollen but he seemed so perfect. Then they started stitching me up, I was feeling a lot of pressure and I was even more scared -- I don't remember why.

When they finally finished, my mom had already left and they wheeled me into recovery. My guts hurt so bad, but yet the rest of me was numb and I couldn't move. I was so thirsty but they wouldn't let me have anything but ice chips, and then I started to vomit to top it all off. After what seemed like eternity, I was wheeled back into my room were I was greeted by my mom. They brought my baby in and I tried to hold him (I was still numb though). He was so tiny and perfect, I would have gone through it all over again.

I had to stay in the hospital for five days and then came home. The pain from the incision was horrible, but I wouldn't give it up for anything. Now I have a beautiful baby and even doing it alone, I seem to be still standing.